Parents & Caregivers

Children may pick up on your own emotional reaction to the situation. It is important to remain calm when having conversations about trauma. While it is okay to show emotion (e.g. crying), it can be traumatic for a child to see a parent or adult display extreme emotions like sadness, screaming, throwing things, etc. in response to something your child shared with you. A child may feel guilty if he/she believes that they caused you pain. If you do not feel that you are in an emotionally stable place to have a conversation with your child about their trauma, or if your own possible trauma history may influence how you react, you may also want to consider seeking support  for yourself.

Remember that children are not always able to process or understand information in the same way as adults. Some children may be able to talk more openly about their experience than others. You may ask your child questions, but try to respect his/her limits and allow your child take the lead during the conversation. Some children may speak about it and recover quickly while others will recover more slowly. Try not to push your child to “just get over it” or “tell every detail.” Understand that while you as an adult may have the tools, skills, and knowledge to overcome trauma or traumatic events, children may not have these same skills.  Remember, an event that may seem insignificant or easy to overcome to you could be much more traumatic for your child.

Alternatively, you may be struggling to cope with the traumatic event that happened to your child. If your child is seeing that you have strong reactions, he/she may become fearful or anxious around wanting to talk about it with you. If this is the case, it might be an opportunity for you to considering seeking out therapy.

Your child may blame him/herself for the traumatic experience. This is especially common in traumatic events including, but not limited to physical/sexual abuse or parental divorce. This may be more common with younger children because they have difficulty understanding other people’s perspectives and understanding who takes responsibility for certain actions. Your child may have also been directly blamed by the person that harmed him/her. As the caregiver, you can assure your child that it is not his/her fault and you can work to diminish his/her sense of guilt and restore a positive sense of self.

Every child will react to a traumatic event differently because every experience is unique and every child is unique. This is okay. For this reason, it may be difficult for you to gauge or predict what event your child will experience as traumatic, when he or she experiences traumatic stress symptoms, or how he or she may be triggered. When talking to your child about their traumatic experience, assure them that their response is normal and accepted.

Allow your child to be the leader of the conversation about his/her trauma experience. Even though your child knows his/her experience better than you, it is common and appropriate for your child to ask questions about trauma, including how or why a traumatic event happens. Being open and honest with your child is important. Also remember, you don’t have to be an expert in child trauma. If you can’t answer a question or are uncertain about how to talk to your child on certain subjects, talk to your child’s trauma- focused therapist or another professional.